


The Fearsome Fury of the Fannish Ficsona!

by Missy



Category: Space ☆ Dandy
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, Metafiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-25
Updated: 2014-12-25
Packaged: 2018-03-03 10:03:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2847059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missy/pseuds/Missy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>QT arranges for a vacation for the crew of the Aloha Oe, but instead of encountering good times the gang meets up with a type of fearsome alien creature that they've never met before.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Fearsome Fury of the Fannish Ficsona!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [eos_3](https://archiveofourown.org/users/eos_3/gifts).



Space! A vast and endless void! But it’s not a lonely one, especially for our intrepid crew. For no matter how deep the trenches of space go, our fearless crew will always have each other for lasting companionship and camaraderie! 

“Ugh, will you get your feet off the console? I can smell them from here.” Meow complained, trying to fan fresh air up his nose.

“So? Just don’t breathe in around me.” Dandy wiggled his besocked toes. “Oh yeah, that’s just what the doctor ordered, baby.”

Meow was quietly turning blue in his seat. “Ugh, can you turn on a fan? Please? I have a very sensitive nose.”

“Hmm, why don’t we vote on it? Fan off?” Dandy raised his hand. “Fan on?” QT and Meow raised theirs. “Hmmm…looks like a tie.”

“Will you just go in the bedroom and let us finish navigating the charts?”Meow yelled.

“Are you sure about that?” Dandy asked, one eyebrow up. “I think you need me around to keep the room’s level at maximum cool.”

“Speaking of cool, I think I’ve found the perfect planet for our vacation!” QT said.

“Vacation?! No way, baby, I don’t do vacations, especially when we’ve got bounties to hunt.” 

“I disagree! It’s completely obvious that we all need a break from hunting,” said QT. “Otherwise you and Meow will tear into each other into little bloody pieces.”

“No way!” Meow said. “Besides, everything would be fine if he’d just KEEP HIS FEET ON HIS SIDE.”

“Make me, furball!”

Meow growled but Dandy turned his attention toward QT instead. “So, uh…what’s the name of the planet?”

“It’s called Planet Ficsona! It’s…”

Yes, The Planet Ficsona! Located deep in the Fanzonia Galaxy, it’s a small but vibrant body. It’s said it was built from water molecules staved off of the tears of a thousand teenagers, which is why its surface is made of fifty percent water. Those little outliers of land are filled with concert halls, movie theatres, book stores and typewriter factories…

“Wait, typewriters?” Dandy asked. “Why would anyone want to use old fashioned junk like that?”

QT beeped long-sufferingly. “Because that’s what people do most of the time on ficsona! Their economy is based on the written word!”

“So..,why don’t they use computers?”

“Because Ficsona runs on a bartering system, and typewriter ribbons are cheaper than hard drives and printer ink.”

“Psht, who would want to when you could have one based on dancing. Or flirting with beautiful ladies!”

“Don’t ask me. But they have lots of beaches!”  
Dandy scratched his chin. “QT, this place sounds really weird…but it also sounds like it’s filled with ladies. So I say we should go for it.”

“But what am I gonna do out there?!” asked Meow. “We don’t even have enough left for gas money and if we don’t find an alien soon we’re going to starve.”

“Relax, there’s bound to be something worth a bounty on the hook. Just relax, man, let the boobies come to you.”

“WILL YOU SHUT UP ABOUT BOOBIES?” Meow said. 

“…We’re stopping on Ficsona,” said QT.

**** 

And so stop on Ficsona they did – and it didn’t take them too long to figure out what the guidebook had neglected to tell them about the place. For while the planet was filled with beautiful ladies, while the bartering system was fair if odd (lip gloss could be easily traded for important supplies, for instance), no one warned them that Ficsona ran on one important element: the passion of teenage girls. 

At first the men of the Aloha-Oi thought nothing of this; they’d simply split up and gone ahead to enjoy the delights offered them. They didn’t seem to notice that if any Ficsonian was presented with a handsome man…or a semi-handsome man…or an older man…or even a semi-handsome man with an accent…they would chase and pursue him to the ends of the earth. 

Dandy found this out fairly quickly. “Hey, ladies,” he’d cooed to the large group of women who had come to surround and moon over him, “There’s plenty of Dandy for everyone, baby, and the line starts here!” A hand reached out and yanked out a handful of hair. “OUCH, watch the locks, baby!”

“Oh my God, I touched him!” One shrieked.

“Give me his hair, I need to eat it!” said another.

“I WANT TO ABSORB HIS SOUL AND WEAR IT LIKE A NECKLACE FOREVER!”

“Beautiful trash prince!” shouted one.

“Woah,” Dandy laughed nervously. “You’re getting a little weird on me. Be GENTLE, baby, have a little mercy…”

The crowds had swelled to enormous proportions, the hands groping and frighteningly rough - and Dandy panicked. For the first time in his life, he ran from an audience of adulatory women

 

“Meow was right, this place is cr-“ he trailed off as QT came flying at him from the opposite direction, being chased by a horde of mechanical creatures, including a toaster and a can opener. 

Dandy reached out for one of QT’s hands and pulled him close with an auto-tuned shriek of fright. Then they were both headed toward the ship, sweating and cursing and shouting when they saw Meow leap a fence a few feet up the street, chased as he own by his own ladies.

“I told you! I’m not a cat!” shouted Meow, trying to outrace a coterie of female felines, all of them meowing and clawing to catch up with him.

“Run, Dandy!” shrieked QT as he scrambled after the human and alien.

“I’M GOIN’ AS QUICK AS I CAN ALL RIGHT?!” He was indeed trying to run – he just wasn’t moving quickly enough.

Behind them, the mass of women made a physical wave, crying and shrieking, their arms outstretched. Dandy and the crew barely made it to the Aloha-Oe before the wave crested into the ship, shoving it backward.

Dandy rushed to the controls and desperately started pressing buttons, crying “FLY! FLY!” 

And so the ship did, leaving the Ficsonians crying their wants and needs for a handsome man upon the planet’s surface.

All three crewmembers sighed their relief as they settled into the “Phew, that was close,” Dandy sighed.

“That settles it! We certainly shouldn’t go on another vacation! Right, Meow?”said QT.

But the voice which came from their companion wasn’t his own. In the space of a breath it shed its Meowish appearance, revealing beneath it the form of a trembling, teary-eyed Ficsonian. “Ugh,” it said, approaching QT and Dandy, crawling on her belly. “Slap. Your face is so disgusting you beautiful. Trash. Prince.”

Their screams could be heard throughout the galaxy.


End file.
